Are you a lover or a fighter?

This is an article I have wrote some time ago for an Indian newsletter which I thought I should also share with you all…enjoy 🙂

lover or fighter - bullied girlAashika, a beautiful five year old girl, should be a bundle of joy…instead she is worried. She is on her way to fetch water from a nearby river but knows that as soon as she steps into that particular path, Haatim, an older boy, will start calling her names. Lately he is also been aggressive towards her as well and she is now frightened. She can’t tell her mum and dad because he threatened to harm her and her baby brother, so she keeps it to herself.

Not long ago she had heard her mum talk to a friend about Haatim, and her mum had said that he is a troubled boy who has been through a hard time, having been abused, whatever that means. Aashika wishes to do something about it but she cannot talk. She also knows this “poor boy” has been through a lot. Aashika forgives him because she doesn’t want to harm him any more than he has already been harmed in his life, so she keeps all this to herself, because let’s face it, shouldn’t she just be a lover? And definitely NOT a fighter?

Haatim on the other hand considers himself to be a fighter, and he is proud of it. He wants to show every other kid that he is the boss in that particular area, and that he is tough. He is capable of doing anything he wants. All it takes is a twist of an arm, a punch in the face…

Truth is, no one should be just a lover, and no one should be just a fighter!

Without knowing, Aashika is encouraging Haatim to keep on bullying her, day after day, by not taking action, by just being a lover, while Haatim is acquiring more and more power over Aashika and the other kids by being a fighter. Aashika doesn’t even realize that she is enduring emotional and physical abuse by Haatim because she keeps excusing his actions.

We are all humans, we are all equal, no matter the colour, no matter our abilities, no matter what ‘thing’ we may have that makes us feel bad about ourselves. We are all one and the same.

We also need to find a balance between the lover and the fighter within us.

The ‘lover’ within us helps us be empathic towards those in pain, understanding towards those who need to express themselves, compassionate towards those who need a shoulder to cry on, caring towards those who we can heal emotionally or physically, loving towards those whose past has hurt them beyond repair.

The ‘fighter’ within us has nothing to do with bullying others around. Bullying or abusing others doesn’t make us tough, it makes us bad people who need help. Quite the contrary, the ‘fighter’ within us helps us to stand up for what we believe in wherever we see injustice, be strong when life gets tough, courageous when there seems to be a dead end, encouraging to those who feel abandoned, respectful towards ourselves and others.

So, how about you? Are you a lover? Or a fighter? Have you found the balance between these two within you yet? Be truthful to yourself.

balance - lover or fighterIf you are just a lover, find the other half within you. Do not accept any type of abuse to be done onto you. To respect others fully you need to be able to have self respect first. Do not fear. You have the power within you to find the strength to stand up for yourself. Remember that any type of abuse can never be excused, no matter the circumstances. No one should ever EVER blame you for being the cause of abuse.

Finding a balance between the lover and the fighter within you will make you complete. If we all seek to do to others what we would want to be done to ourselves, the world would be a much better and safer place for each and every one of us. No one is inferior, we are all one big family, brothers and sisters, so let us all love and respect each other and be strong for those who can’t find the fighter within them.


Love & Light to you & yours,

Claire Galea


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